I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
