She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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