I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
