can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize