I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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