do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
