marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
