My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
