so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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