Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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