this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
