She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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