i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got inside last night via doggy door
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
