i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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