If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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