I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
