He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
