Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
