Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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