New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
