Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This baby is an asshole
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
