yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
