I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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