I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
