I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
