hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
