You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
