Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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