There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
