hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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