Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The cops high fived after they tackled you
wow bdsm is so cute
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