me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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