it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize