i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize