you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
