Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
