you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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