I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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