Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize