Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
