I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
