so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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