Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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