you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
