Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
