she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love having hate sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize