I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
