Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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