you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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