Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I wish there were birth control emojis
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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