I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
