I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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