I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
