He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dicks are not precious.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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