Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
