My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
