shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
