I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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