I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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