Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
