Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize