Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
