So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
