you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
