thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
