Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
