I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
