i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize