Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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