Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
